Welcome!

So I have a blog. Sweet! :)

I'm Corinne and chances are if you're looking at this blog you know me. Or you know someone who knows me. Or you don't know me at all. I think that covers everyone, am I right? Whoever you are and however you found me, welcome. :) Pull up a seat, sit back, and relax. No refreshments will be served though. It's a BYOB situation.

It's been a fairly nondescript day. An ironic day to start a blog, no doubt. My day really consisted of waiting to hang with my best friend which never happened and putting up with a cranky toddler hellbent on destroying my sanity. Oh, and remembering I had a Twitter and updating it. I'm not quite comfy with that place yet. I suppose it's because I'm ridiculously verbose and Twitter requires short witty pithy comments. It frowns on verbose wit. I sense that Twitter and I will be engaged in epic battle over how many characters I'm allowed. At this point I'm just excited to have followers. I don't know why they're following me. Seems kind of stalkerish. Maybe they're drunk and they think they know me. But who cares, at least they're paying attention. lol ::checking my Twitter:: I'm up to 3 followers. Wow. Go me! ::that was typed in sarcastic font by the way:: I'm pretty sure if I post a pic of my enormous breasts on there, I'd get a shitload of followers all at once. It's an idea I'll have to give serious consideration to. #LoveMyJugs

By far, the best part of my day is when the DipShit I'm married to leaves for work and I can finally do whatever I want to do. I can watch as much Food Network as I want, I'm not told to "do my chores" (oh, if you only knew), and I can pretty much pretend I live like a normal person. Until he gets home in the morning and I'm reminded of the grievous mistake I made allowing that guy anywhere near my vagina. Just in case you're unaware, let me give you the short version of the story. Guy meets Girl. All the cute shit that normally happens at the start of a relationship commences. Guy leaves Girl for Cock-Guzzling Thundercunt for 5 days then comes crawling back on his hands and knees like a pathetic piece of shit. Girl takes him back like an idiot. Girl gets knocked up. Guy and Girl get hitched. Guy propositions Craigslist hookers and has affairs with Pumas (a cross between a Cougar and a Golden Girl....I coined the term) while expecting the Girl to be his own personal slave and Stepford wife. Girl gives birth and starts to hate his guts. You can see where the story is going from here, I'm sure. Any moment now, it'll be headed straight to Divorce Court. That will be a beautiful day. =D

Just a hint, folks. If your family would rather drag out a guillotine and behead your significant other rather than spend 10 minutes in their company, chances are it's not going to work*. Particularly when your (really quite lovely) mother threatens him with gun violence. Good times, good times. I have to keep it friendly though for the sake of my daughter. It's called The High Road. And it SUCKS. I would like nothing more than to tell him to go fuck himself and never look at his ugly cheating face again. I keep telling myself "Only 16 more years....". Fuck it's going to be a long decade and a half! From now on in this blog, he'll be known as Captain Fuck-Up (CFU for short). That's my father's nickname for him. *See what I mean? :)

Tonight I had to put up with him whining about work (he has a great job at a great place that overpays him for what he does), whining about dinner "Why did you make chicken? I hate chicken. I like beef." (Well maybe if you didn't spend all our money on stupid shit, I'd be able to afford beef!), whining about our separation ("You're just being unreasonable. You're never going to get away from me, you know."), and whining about his imaginary back pain which doesn't really exist (our doctor has checked him out and thinks he's a true hypochondriac....there is nothing wrong with him). On top of that, I got yelled at by him for allowing my daughter to walk around in her sneakers that she put on by herself (she's not even 2 yet) because she wasn't wearing socks (he expects her to know how to properly outfit herself??) and he thinks she's going to get ATHLETE'S FOOT. Um, I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure allowing a toddler to feel like a big girl for 5 minutes isn't going to damage her irreparably, jackass. I am figuratively pulling my hair out because of him. And literally doing so as well. Independence Day can't come soon enough!

So that's pretty much my life in a nutshell. It's not a soap opera, but it sure feels like one! I'm headed to bed and will be limited in my blogging activities for the next few days. CFU's days off are Friday and Saturday, which just ruins my whole weekend. :(

To anyone who make it this far without falling asleep, thank you. I hope your weekend is better than mine will be and I'll see you back here on Sunday! Miss me, won't you? ;)

xx Corinne aka The FairieQueene